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From the perspective of the history of humans in civilization, dating as an institution is a relatively recent phenomenon which has mainly emerged in the last few centuries. From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology, dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly and which have been subject to many forces, including advances in technology and medicine. As humans have evolved from the hunter-gatherers into civilized societies and more recently into modern societies, there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen.[3]
Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species, in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life.[4] According to Sapolsky, humans are somewhat in the middle of this spectrum, in the sense that humans form pair bonds, but there is the possibility of cheating or changing partners.[4], These species-particular behavior patterns provide a context for aspects of human reproduction, including dating. The institution describing a male-female bond has generally been known as marriage, although what constitutes a marriage has varied widely over time and by culture. In most societies, and during much of human history, marriages were arranged by parents and older relatives with the goal not being love but "economic stability and political alliances," according to anthropologists.[5] Accordingly, there was little need for a temporary trial period such as dating before any permanent community-recognized union was formed between a man and a woman. Men were the dominant sex in a system of patriarchy.[6] While pair-bonds of varying forms were recognized by most societies as acceptable social arrangements, wives were often seen almost as a form of property serving the function of reproduction. Communities exerted pressure on people to form pair-bonds in places such as Europe; in China, according to sociologist Tang Can, society "demanded people get married before having a sexual relationship"[7] and many societies found that some formally recognized bond between a man and a woman was the best way of rearing and educating children as well as helping to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings regarding competition for mates.
Romeo and Juliet dated, but it did not end well.
Painting by Sir Frank Dicksee
Generally, during much of recorded history of humans in civilization, and into the Middle Ages in Europe, weddings were seen as business arrangements between families, while romance was something that happened outside of marriage discreetly, such as covert meetings.[8] The 12th-century book The Art of Courtly Love advised that "True love can have no place between husband and wife."[8] According to one view, clandestine meetings between men and women, generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's dating.[8]
From about 1700, however, according to professor David Christian of Macquarie University in Australia in a course entitled Big History, a worldwide movement perhaps described as the "empowerment of the individual" took hold, leading to the emancipation of women and the equality of individuals. Men and women became more equal politically, financially, and socially in many nations. Women won the right to vote and own property and receive equal treatment by the law, and these changes had profound impacts on the relationships between men and women. Parental influence declined. Individuals decided––on their own––whether they should marry, who they should marry, and when they should marry. A few centuries ago, dating was sometimes described as a "courtship ritual where young women entertained gentleman callers, usually in the home, under the watchful eye of a chaperone,"[9] but increasingly it became a self-initiated activity with two young people going out as a couple in public together. Still, dating varied considerably by nation, custom, religious upbringing, technology, and social class; for example, one view was that lower-class young men and women would go out in public together since their homes were sometimes seen as not "suitable for entertaining".[9] Movies, meals, meeting in coffeehouses and other places became popular; advice books suggested various strategies for men and women.[10]
In the last century, dating was sometimes seen as a precursor to marriage but it could also be considered as an end-in-itself, that is, an informal social activity akin to friendship. It generally happened in that portion of a person's life before the age of marriage,[11] but as marriage became less permanent with the advent of divorce, dating could happen at other times in peoples lives as well. People became more mobile.[12] Rapidly developing technology played a huge role: new communication technology such as the telephone,[13] Internet[14] and text messaging[15] enabled dates to be arranged without face-to-face contact. Cars extended the range of dating as well as enabled back-seat sexual exploration. In the mid twentieth century, the advent of birth control as well as safer procedures for abortion changed the equation considerably, and there was less pressure to marry as a means for satisfying sexual urges. New types of relationships formed; it was possible for people to live together without marrying and without having to deal with children. Information about human sexuality grew. Alternative arrangements such as homosexuality became more accepted. Today, the institution of dating continues to evolve at a rapid rate with new possibilities and choices opening up.
[edit] Tags:Dating (disambiguation),Double Date (how I Met Your Mother),Kinship,Cousin,Marriage,Wife,Friendship,Romantic,Significant Other,Girlfriend,Cohabitation,Same-sex Relationship,Sexual Partner,Non-monogamy,Polyamory,Polygamy,Concubinage,Mating,Romance,Divorce,Emotions,Attachment,Intimacy,Limerence,Passion,Platonic Love,Bride Price,Dowry,Infidelity,Transgression,Abuse,Dating,Elderly,Courtship,Social Activities,Intimate Relationship,Spouse,Meeting,Sexual Relations,Engagement,Edit,Civilization,Anthropology,Sociology,Family,Hunter-gatherers,Civilized Societies,Biological,Women,Men,Sexual Intercourse,Neurobiologist,Robert Sapolsky,Tournament Species,Pair Bond,Human Reproduction,Human History,Arranged By Parents,Love,Anthropologists,Patriarchy,Europe,China,Sociologist,Children,Middle Ages,Business,David Christian,Macquarie University,Australia,Big History,Equal Treatment By The Law,Chaperone,Technology,Communication Technology,Telephone,Internet,Text Messaging,Cars,Birth Control,Abortion,Human Sexuality,Homosexuality,Julie Andrews,Mary Poppins,Kira Cochrane, | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Wide variation in behavior patterns | 3>
Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins.
And the only rule is that there are no rules.
—Kira Cochrane[16]
Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as country, social class, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal values. Each culture has particular patterns which determine such choices as whether the man asks the woman out, where people might meet, whether kissing is acceptable on a first date, the substance of conversation, who should pay for meals or entertainment,[17][18] or whether splitting expenses is allowed. Among the Karen people in Burma and Thailand, women are expected to write love poetry and give gifts to win over the man.[19] Since dating can be a stressful situation, there is the possibility of humor to try to reduce tensions. For example, director Blake Edwards wanted to date singing star Julie Andrews, and he joked in parties about her persona by saying that her "endlessly cheerful governess" image from movies such as Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music gave her the image of possibly having "lilacs for pubic hair";[20] Andrews appreciated his humor, sent him lilacs, dated him and later married him, and the couple stayed together for 41 years.[20]
[edit] | Tags: Different meanings of the term | 3>
While the term dating has many meanings, the most common refers to a trial period in which two people explore whether to take the relationship further towards a more permanent relationship; in this sense, dating refers to the time when people are physically together in public as opposed to the earlier time period in which people are arranging the date, perhaps by corresponding by email or text or phone.[21] Another meaning of the term dating is to describe a stage in a person's life when he or she is actively pursuing romantic relationships with different people. If two unmarried celebrities are seen in public together, they are often described as "dating" which means they were seen in public together, and it is not clear whether they are merely friends, exploring a more intimate relationship, or are romantically involved.
[edit] | Tags: Evaluation | 3>
Unusual circumstances such as a river splashdown can bring couples together, including a man and woman aboard this flight.
When two people are in public, together, exploring whether to become more romantically involved, each person is simultaneously evaluating the other as a possible future partner, and at the same time is being evaluated. This can be stressful. While some of what happens on a date is guided to an extent by an understanding of basic rules, there is considerable room to experiment. Since there is uncertainty about how to behave on a date, there are numerous sources of advice available.[22][23][24][25][26] Sources of advice include magazine articles,[21] self-help books, dating coaches, friends, and many other sources.[27][28][29][30] And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt,[31] and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates.[32] In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners,[26][32] as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship.[33][34][35][36][37][38][39] There are now more than 500 businesses worldwide that offer dating coach services—with almost 350 of those operating in the U.S. And the number of these businesses has surged since 2005 [40] Frequency of dating varies by person and situation; among singles actively seeking partners, 36% had been on no dates in the past three months, 13% had one date, 22% had two to four dates and 25% had five or more dates, according to a 2005 U.S. survey.[41] Traumatic events can sometimes cause people to start dating; for example, two passengers aboard US Airways Flight 1549, which crashed in the Hudson River but without loss of life, began dating afterwards.[42]
The copulatory gaze, looking lengthily at a new possible partner, brings you straight into a sparring scenario; you will stare for two to three seconds when you first spy each other, then look down or away before bringing your eyes in sync again. This may be combined with displacement gestures, small repetitive fiddles that signal a desire to speed things up and make contact. When approaching a stranger you want to impress, exude confidence in your stance, even if you're on edge. Pull up to your full height in a subtle chest-thrust pose, which arches your back, puffs out your upper body and pushes out your buttocks. Roll your shoulders back and down and relax your facial expression.
—Judi James in The Guardian, [43]
[edit] | Tags: Meeting places | 3>
A nature walk can be a setting for a second or third date, like this one outside Clevedon, New Zealand.
Ballroom dancing is one way to get to know somebody on a date.
There are numerous ways to meet potential dates, including blind dates, classified ads, dating websites, hobbies, holidays, office romance, social networking, speed dating, and others. A Pew study in 2005 examined Internet users in long-term relationships including marriage found many met by contacts at work or school.[44] The survey found that 55% of relationship-seeking singles agreed that it was "difficult to meet people where they live."[45] One writer suggested that meeting possible partners was easier in pedestrian-oriented cities such as Berlin or Barcelona rather than Los Angeles since there were more chances for face-to-face contact.[46] Work is a common place to meet potential spouses, although there are some indications that the Internet is overtaking the workplace as an introduction venue.[47] Some couples met because they lived in the same building and shared a common bathroom.[48] Hobbies can be an informal way for people to meet.[49] In Britain, one in five marry a co-worker; half of all workplace romances end within three months.[50] In India, there are incidents of people meeting future spouses in the workplace.[51] One drawback of office dating is that a bad date can lead to "workplace awkwardness".[52]
[edit] | Tags: Gender differences | 3>
There is general agreement that men and women approach dating differently. Advice for each sex varies greatly, particularly when dispensed by popular magazines. Heterosexual men often seek women based on beauty and youth.[53][54] Psychology researchers at the University of Michigan suggested that men prefer women who seem to be "malleable and awed", and prefer younger women with subordinate jobs such as secretaries and assistants and fact-checkers rather than executive-type women.[55] Online dating patterns confirm that men are more likely to initiate online exchanges (over 75%) and are less choosy, seek younger women, and "cast a wide net".[24] Heterosexual women often seek well-educated men who are their age or older with high-paying jobs, according to one account.[53] Evolutionary psychology suggests that "women are the choosier of the genders" since "reproduction is a much larger investment for women" who have "more to lose by making bad choices."[56] Educated women in many countries including Italy and Russia and the United States often find it difficult to have a career as well as raise a family; many delay finding a mate and having children and wonder if they're too accomplished that they won't be as appealing to men.[55] Writer Danielle Crittenden in her book What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us argued that having both a career and family was taxing and stressful for women, and she made a case that the ideal path for women was to marry early in their twenties when their relative beauty permitted them to find a solid marriage bargain and choose from a large pool of available men, have children, and return to the work world when they were in their early thirties with kids in school; but Crittenden agrees splitting up the career path with a ten year baby-raising hiatus poses difficulties as well.[57] Columnist Maureen Dowd quoted comedian Bill Maher on the subject of differing dating agendas between men and women: "Women get in relationships because they want somebody to talk to -- men want women to shut up."[58] Dowd quoted poet Dorothy Parker on the subject of romance:
Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is
Infinite, undying -
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
—Dorothy Parker, [59]
[edit] | Tags: Love | 3>
If there is any aspect of dating which is common for both sexes, then perhaps the idea of being in love can be scary; one said "being really intimate with someone in a committed sense is kind of threatening" and described love as "the most terrifying thing."[60] In her Psychology Today column, research scientist, sex columnist and book author Debby Herbenick compared it to a roller coaster:
There's something wonderful, I think, about taking chances on love and sex. ... Going out on a limb can be roller-coaster scary because none of us want to be rejected or to have our heart broken. But so what if that happens? I, for one, would rather fall flat on my face as I serenade my partner (off-key and all) in a bikini and a short little pool skirt than sit on the edge of the pool, dipping my toes in silence.
—[61]
One dating adviser agreed that love is risky, and wrote that "There is truly only one real danger that we must concern ourselves with and that is closing our hearts to the possibility that love exists."[62]
[edit] | Tags: Controversy | 3>
Anthropologist Helen Fisher in 2008
What happens in the dating world can reflect larger currents within popular culture. For example, when the 1995 book The Rules appeared, it touched off media controversy about how men and women should relate to each other, with different positions taken by New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd[63] and British writer Kira Cochrane of The Guardian.[64] and others.[65][66] It has even caused anthropologists such as Helen Fisher to suggest that dating is a game designed to "impress and capture" which is not about "honesty" but "novelty", "excitement" and even "danger", which can boost dopamine levels in the brain.[67] The subject of dating has spun off popular culture terms such as the friend zone which refers to a situation in which a dating relation evolves into a platonic non-sexual union.[68][69][70][71]
[edit] | Tags: Stranger danger | 3>
Since people dating often don't know each other well, there's the risk of violence, including date rape. According to one report, there was a 10% chance of violence between students happening between a boyfriend and girlfriend, sometimes described as "intimate partner violence", over a 12–month period.[72] Another estimate was that 20% of U.S. high school girls aged 14–18 were "hit, slapped, shoved or forced into sexual activity".[73] There is evidence that violence while dating isn't limited to any one culture or group or religion, but that it remains an issue in different countries.[74] It is usually the female who is the victim, but there have been cases where males have been hurt as well. Sara McCorquodale suggests that women meeting strangers on dates meet initially in busy public places, share details of upcoming dates with friends or family so they know where they'll be and who they'll be with, avoid revealing one's surname or address, and conducting searches on them on the Internet prior to the date.[75] One advisor suggested: Don't leave drinks unattended; have an exit plan if things go badly; and ask a friend to call you on your cell phone an hour into the date to ask how it's going.[75] In some regions of the world, such as Chechnya, bride-stealing is fairly common, enough to provoke leader Ramzan Kadyrov to urge young men to use persuasion instead.[76] Kadyrov advised:
If you explain beautifully, a woman does not look to see whether you are handsome or not -- but listens more, so you can win her heart. That is why I advise our boys to read stories and watch movies more and to learn more beautiful phrases to tell girls.
—Ramzan Kadyrov, 2010, [76]
[edit] | Tags: Dating worldwide | 2>
A Japanese couple holding hands on the beach
Dating customs and habits vary considerably throughout the world. The average duration of courtship before proceeding to engagement or marriage varies considerably throughout the world.[77]
[edit] | Tags: Ethiopia | 4>
One Ethiopian writer described a couple, when dating, as happy, at parties and movies and recreation centers and swimming pools, while they appeared to be less so after being married; still the writer thought marriage was the "lesser of two evils" when compared with the single life.[78] Marriages link families in Ethiopia since the dowry paid by the family of the bride is often significant financially.[79] According to one source, there are four ways that marriage can happen in Ethiopia: (1) arranged marriage, when well-respected elders are sent to the girl's family on behalf of the boy's family; (2) courtship or dating after a friendly meeting between boy and girl such as at a market place or holiday where there's dancing; (3) abduction, such as during a blood feud between families; (4) inheritance.[79]
Finding a wife is not easy for a Nyangatom boy. He has to build his own house, store lots of tobacco and dry coffee leaves for the girl's parents and have many cows and goats. ... If the girl is from a wealthy family the dowry given to her parents is worth about 200 to 500 cows, about 1,000 sheep or goats, five camels and three rifles.
—[79]
[edit] | Tags: Australia | 3>
There are reports that guys are asking out girls for dates by text messaging.[15] A recent study revealed that 50% of Australians agreed it was permissible to request a date via a text message but not acceptable to break up with them this way.[15] Flirting while texting, dubbed flirtext, was more likely to be done by girls after a relationship was started.[15] A survey of newspaper readers suggested it was time to abandon the "old fashioned rule" of men paying for the first date, based on women's greater earning capacity.[80] A dating show on TV features three couples who live under one roof, but who can only have contact in a "specially created dark room", and the show is scheduled to be hosted by Miss Australia model Laura Dundovic.[81]
[edit] | Tags: Asia | 3>
Asia is a mix of traditional approaches with involvement by parents and extended families such as arranged marriages as well as modern dating. In many cultural traditions, including some in South Asia,[82] and the Middle East[83] and to some extent East Asia, as in the case of Omiai in Japan and the similar "Xiangqin" (相親) practiced in the Greater China Area, a date may be arranged by a third party, who may be a family member, acquaintance, or professional matchmaker.
[edit] | Tags: China | 4>
Patterns of dating are changing in China, with increased modernization bumping into traditional ways.
One report in China Daily suggests that dating for Chinese university women is "difficult" and "takes work" and steals time away from academic advancement, and places women in a precarious position of having to balance personal success against traditional Chinese relationships.[84] Women have high standards for men they seek, but also worry that their academic credentials may "scare away more traditional Chinese men."[84] It is difficult finding places to have privacy, since many dormitory rooms have eight or more pupils in one suite.[84] And dating in restaurants can be expensive.[84] One commentator noted: "American couples drink and dance together. But in China, we study together."[84] Chinese writer Lao Wai suggested that singles in China are more likely to consider background and nationality as prime considerations about whom to date.[1] Professional single women can choose to wait:
Like other women in my social circle, I have certain demands for a potential mate. He doesn't have to make much more than I do, but he must be doing at least as well as I am, and has to be compatible with me, both morally and spiritually ... He should also own an apartment instead of us buying one together. Remember what Virginia Wolf said? Every woman should have a room of her own.
—Wei Liu, 45, single, broadcaster, in 2005, [7]
Actress Shu Qi starred in the 2008 movie If you are the one
The game show If You Are the One, titled after Chinese personal ads, featured provocative contestants making sexual allusions and the show reportedly ran afoul of authorities and had to change its approach.[85] The two-host format involves a panel of 24 single women questioning a man to decide if he'll remain on the show; if he survives, he can choose a girl to date; the show gained notoriety for controversial remarks and opinions such as model Ma Nuo saying she'd prefer to "weep in a BMW than laugh on a bike", who was later banned from making appearances.[86]
A new format of Internet "QQ" chat rooms is gaining ground against so-called "traditional dating agencies" in Changsha (Hunan Province); the QQ rooms have 20,000 members, and service is much less expensive than dating agencies which can charge 100 to 200 yuan ($13 to $26 USD) per introduction.[87] Internet dating, with computer-assisted matchmaking, is becoming more prevalent; one site supposedly has 23 million registered users.[88] Speed dating has come to Shanghai and other cities.[89][90] Worldwide online matchmakers have explored entering the Chinese market via partnerships or acquisitions.[91]
There are conflicting reports about dating in China's capital city. One account suggests that the dating scene in Beijing is "sad" with particular difficulties for expatriate Chinese women hoping to find romance.[92] One explanation was that there are more native Chinese women, who seem to be preferred by Chinese men, and that expat women are seen as "foreigners" by comparison.[92] According to the 2006 report, expat Chinese men have better luck in the Beijing dating scene.[92] A different report, however, suggested that Chinese men preferred Western women who they consider to be more independent, less girlish, and more straightforward than Chinese women.[93] Another account suggested that western women in Beijing seem invisible and have trouble attracting Chinese men.[94]
Each year November 11 has become an unofficial holiday[95] known as China's Singles' Day when singles are encouraged to make an extra effort to find a partner.[96] Worried parents of unmarried children often arrange dates for their offspring on this day as well as others.[96] Before the day approaches, thousands of college students and young workers post messages describing their plans for this day. Why November 11? In Arabic numerals, the day looks like "1111", that is, "like four single people standing together," and there was speculation that it originated in the late 1990s when college students celebrated being single with "a little self-mockery"[95] but a differing explanation dates it back to events in the Roman Empire.[95] For many, Singles' Day offers people a way to "demonstrate their stance on love and marriage.[95]
There is concern that young people's views of marriage have changed because of economic opportunities, with many choosing deliberately not to get married,[95] as well as young marrieds who have decided not to have children, or to postpone having them.[96] Cohabiting relationships are tolerated more often.[7] Communities where people live but don't know each other well are becoming more common in China like elsewhere, leading to fewer opportunities to meet somebody locally without assistance.[96] Divorce rates are rising in cities such as Shanghai which recorded 27,376 divorces in 2004, an increase of 30% from 2003.[96]
A government-sponsored agency called Shanghai Women's Activities Centre (Chinese: Jinguoyuan) organized periodic matchmaking events often attended by parents.[97]
Chinese-style flirtatiousness is termed sajiao, best described as "to unleash coquettishness" with feminine voice, tender gestures, and girlish protestations.[98] Chinese women expect to be taken care of (zhaogu) by men like a baby girl is doted on by an attentive and admiring father.[98] They wish to be almost "spoiled" (guan) by a man buying gifts, entertainment, and other indulgences.[98] It's a positive sign of heartache (xinteng) when a man feels compelled to do "small caring things" for a woman without being asked such as pouring a glass of water or offering a "piggyback ride if she's tired."[98] These are signs of love and accepted romantic notions in China, according to one source.[98]
Romantic love is more difficult during times of financial stress, and economic forces can encourage singles, particularly women, to select a partner primarily on financial considerations. Some men postpone marriage until their financial position is more secure and use wealth to help attract women. One trend is towards exclusive matchmaking events for the 'rich and powerful'; for example, an annual June event in Wuhan with expensive entry-ticket prices for men (99,999 RMB) lets financially secure men choose so-called bikini brides based on their beauty and education,[99] and the financial exclusivity of the event was criticized by the official news outlet China Daily.[100]
A brave lover in Beijing must be prepared to accept a paradigm shift to enjoy the cross-cultural dating experience.
—[98]
There was a report that sexual relations among middle schoolers in Guangzhou sometimes resulted in abortions which, according to a report in China Daily, resulted in greater statistical chances of subsequent sterility.[101] There have been reports of scams involving get-rich-quick schemes; a forty-year-old migrant worker was one of a thousand seduced by an advertisement which read "Rich woman willing to pay 3 million yuan for sperm donor" but the worker was cheated out of his savings of 190,000 yuan (27,500 USD).[102]
[edit] | Tags: India | 4>
Indian dating is heavily influenced by the custom of arranged marriages which require little dating, although there are indications that the institution is undergoing change, and that love marriages are becoming more accepted as India becomes more intertwined with the rest of the world.
An Indian wedding
The majority of Indian marriages are arranged by parents and relatives, and one estimate is that 9 of every 10 marriages is arranged.[103] Sometimes the bride and groom don't meet until the wedding, and there is no courtship or wooing before the joining.[77] In the past, it meant that couples were chosen from the same caste and religion and economic status.[104] There is widespread support for arranged marriages generally. Writer Lavina Melwani described a happy marriage which had been arranged by the bride's father, and noted that during the engagement, the woman was allowed to go out with him before they were married on only one occasion; the couple married and found happiness.[105] Supporters of arranged marriage suggest that there is a risk of having the marriage fall apart whether it was arranged by relatives or by the couple themselves, and that what's important is not how the marriage came to be but what the couple does after being married.[105] Parents and relatives exert considerable influence, sometimes posting matrimonial ads in newspapers and online.[104] Customs encourage families to put people together, and discourage sexual experimentation as well as so-called serial courtship in which a prospective bride or groom dates but continually rejects possible partners, since the interests of the family are seen as more important than the romantic needs of the people marrying.[2] Indian writers, such as Mistry in his book Family Matters, sometimes depict arranged marriages as unhappy.[106] Writer Sarita Sarvate of India Currents thinks people calculate their "value" on the "Indian marriage market" according to measures such as family status, and that arranged marriages typically united spouses who often didn't love each other.[107] She suggested love was out of place in this world because it risked passion and "sordid" sexual liaisons.[107] Love, as she sees it, is "Waking up in the morning and thinking about someone."[107] Writer Jennifer Marshall described the wife in an arranged marriage as living in a world of solitude without much happiness, and feeling pressured by relatives to conceive a son so she wouldn't be considered as "barren" by her husband's family; in this sense, the arranged marriage didn't bring "love, happiness, and companionship."[108] Writer Vijaysree Venkatraman believes arranged marriages are unlikely to disappear soon, commenting in his book review of Shoba Narayan's Monsoon Diary which has a detailed description of the steps involved in a present day arranged marriage.[109] There are indications that even the institution of arranged marriages is changing, with marriages increasingly being arranged by "unknown, unfamiliar sources" and less based on local families who know each other.[103] Writer Lavina Melwani in Little India compared Indian marriages to business deals:
Until recently, Indian marriages had all the trappings of a business transaction involving two deal-making families, a hardboiled matchmaker and a vocal board of shareholders - concerned uncles and aunts. The couple was almost incidental to the deal. They just dressed and showed up for the wedding ceremony. And after that the onus was on them to adjust to the 1,001 relatives, get to know each other and make the marriage work.
—Lavina Melwani, [104]
Relationships in which dating is undertaken by two people, who choose their dates without parental involvement and sometimes carry on clandestine get-togethers, has become increasingly common. When this leads to a wedding, the resulting unions are sometimes called love marriages. There are increasing incidences when couples initiate contact on their own, particularly if they live in a foreign country; in one case, a couple met surreptitiously over a game of cards.[104] Indians who move abroad to Britain or America often follow the cultural patterns of their new country: for example, one Indian woman met a white American man while skiing, and married him, and the formerly "all-important relatives" were reduced to bystanders trying to influence things ineffectively.[104] Factors operating worldwide, such as increased affluence, the need for longer education, and greater mobility have lessened the appeal for arranged marriages, and these trends have affected criteria about which possible partners are acceptable, making it more likely that pairings will cross previously impenetrable barriers such as caste or ethnic background.[104] Indian-Americans in the U.S. sometimes participate in Singles Meets organized by websites which happen about once a month, with 100 participants at each event; an organizer did not have firm statistics about the success rate leading to a long-term relationship but estimated about one in every ten members finds a partner through the site.[51]
Dating websites are gaining ground in India. Writer Rupa Dev preferred websites which emphasized authenticity and screened people before entering their names into their databases, making it a safer environment overall, so that site users can have greater trust that it's safe to date others on the site.[110] Dev suggested that dating websites were much better than the anonymous chatrooms of the 1990s.[110]
During the interval before marriage, whether it's an arranged or a love marriage, private detectives have been hired to check up on a prospective bride or groom, or to verify claims about a potential spouse made in newspaper advertising, and there are reports that such snooping is increasing.[103] Detectives investigate former amorous relationships and can include fellow college students, former police officers skilled in investigations, and medical workers "with access to health records."[103]
Transsexuals and eunuchs have begun using Internet dating in some states in India.[111]
The practice of dating runs against some religious traditions, and the radical Hindu group Sri Ram Sena threatened to "force unwed couples" to marry, if they were discovered dating on Valentine's Day; a fundamentalist leader said "drinking and dancing in bars and celebrating this day has nothing to do with Hindu traditions."[112] The threat sparked a protest via the Internet which resulted in cartloads of pink panties being sent to the fundamentalist leader's office.[112]
[edit] | Tags: Japan | 4>
There is a type of courtship called Omiai in which parents hire a matchmaker to give resumes and pictures to potential mates for their approval, leading to a formal meeting with parents and matchmaker attending.[113] If the couple has a few dates, they're often pressured by the matchmaker and parents to decide whether or not to marry.[113] There are reports of men falling in "love" with digital simulations of women from video games, manga, and anime; one 27-year-old man known by the handle of "Sal 9000" staged a wedding in 2009, watched by thousands online, in which he married his favorite cartoon girl named "Nene Anegasaki".[114]
[edit] | Tags: Pakistan | 4>
Marriages and courtship in Pakistan are influenced by traditional cultural practices similar to those elsewhere in the Indian subcontinent as well as Muslim norms and manners. Illegitimate relationships before marriage are considered a social taboo and social interaction between unmarried men and women is encouraged at a modest and healthy level. Couples are usually wedded through either an arranged marriage or love marriage. Love marriages are those in which the individuals have chosen a partner whom they like by their own choice prior to marriage, and usually occur with the consent of parents and family. Arranged marriages on the other hand are marriages which are set and agreed by the families or guardians of the two individuals where the couple may not have met before. In either cases and in consistency with traditional marital practices, individuals who marry are persuaded to meet and talk to each other for some time before considering marrying so that they can check their compatibility.
[edit] | Tags: Singapore | 4>
Singapore's largest dating service, Social Development Unit, is a government-run dating system.
[edit] | Tags: Taiwan | 4>
Survey of Taiwan students
Statement
Agree
Hopeful they'll find a relationship
37%
Have no clear idea how to approach someone who interested them
90%
"Changes of heart" and "cheating" cause breakups
60%
Willing to resume relationship if problems are resolved
31%
Having more than one relationship at a time isn't good
70%
Women who won't enter a relationship if man lives too far away
70%
Women who believe height in men matters
96%
....source: China Daily[115]
One report suggested that in southern Taiwan, "traditional rules of courtship" still apply despite the influence of popular culture; for example, men continue to take the initiative in forming relationships.[115] A poll in 2009 of students at high schools and vocational schools found that over 90% admitted that they had "no clear idea of how to approach someone of the opposite sex who interested them". What caused relationships to break up? 60% said "changes of heart" or "cheating". Dating more than one person at a time was not permissible, agreed 70%.
[edit] | Tags: Britain | 4>
Flirting, aristocratic-style
Painting by Frédéric Soulacroix (1858-1933)
In Britain, the term dating is similar to the American sense of the tentative exploratory part of a relationship. If two people are going out together, it may mean they're dating but that their relationship has advanced to a relatively long-standing and sexual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship although they're not cohabitating. The term hanging out may describe two people who are dating but it may also describe a casual friendship. Britons are familiar with the term dating but the rituals surrounding courtship are somewhat different from North America. Writer Kira Cochrane advises daters to throw out rule books and just be safe and "get out there and meet people" while noting a trend to put off marriage until one's thirties, and notes many people are leaving unhappy relationships when they're in their forties or fifties or older.[16] She sees a trend for developing new ways of meeting people.[16] In contrast, writer Bibi van der Zee found dating etiquette rules to be helpful, and found that supposedly liberated advice such as "just be yourself" to be the "most useless advice in history."[116] She was frustrated after sexual relationships with men that seemed to go nowhere, and found in her mid twenties that men she had dated didn't return her phone calls or seem interested in carrying the relationship further; she felt "clueless and unwanted", she wrote, and found advice books such as The Rules helpful.[117] British writer Henry Castiglione signed up for a "weekend flirting course" and found the experience helpful; he was advised to talk to and smile at everyone he met.[118] Emailing back-and-forth, after meeting on a dating website, is one way to get to know people in Britain, and elsewhere.[37] In the U.K., one estimate is that 15 million people are single, and half of these are seeking a long-term relationship; three-quarters of them have not been in a relationship for more than 18 months.[119] In a twelve-month period, the average number of dates that a single person will have is four.[119] When dating, 43% of people google their dates ahead of time.[120] Almost five million Britons visited a dating website in the past twelve months.[119] A third admitting to lying on their profile.[119] A fifth of married individuals between 19 and 25 met their spouse online, according to one estimate.[119] One poll in 2009 of 3,000 couples suggested that the average duration of their courtship period, between first meeting to the acceptance of a marriage proposal, was three years.[121]
[edit] | Tags: France | 4>
Speed dating announcement in Paris
A speed dating event at a hotel in Cerizay was "open to anyone aged 20 and above and starts at 20.00 with a light buffet and apéritif, price €15," and required reservations.[122] One Internet dating site will "allow people to share their single friends in the same way they share files."[123]
[edit] | Tags: Spain | 4>
One report suggested Spanish women were the "greatest flirts", based on an unofficial study by a dating website which ranked countries based on initiations of contact.[124]
[edit] | Tags: German-speaking countries | 4>
Ball of City of Vienna (1900)
While analysts such as Harald Martenstein and others suggest that it is easier for persons to initiate contact in America, many Germans view the American dating habits as "unspontaneous", "ridiculous" and "rigid".[citation needed] Countries such as Germany, Switzerland and Austria allow for first contacts during seasonal festivals and funfairs during carnival before Oktoberfest. In addition, municipal and local festivals like the love parade and others allow unattached men and women to meet and flirt.[125]
Membership in voluntary associations is relatively high in German-speaking countries and these provide further chances for p | Tags: Dating (disambiguation),Double Date (how I Met Your Mother),Websites related to: Dating Guides |